Wednesday, January 16, 2013

moving on. sort of.

I feel a bit squeamish about that post yesterday.  I don't mean to make it sound like I've spent my whole life lying to people.  It's just that I'm not a very outgoing person, so it is often easier for me to leave things unsaid that it is to say them.  No worries, I'm not going to turn into someone who is constantly stirring up controversy and starting arguments-- that holds no appeal for me.  I'm just trying to learn to say my piece when it needs to be said.  The moment with my mom was simply another layer in learning what that means.  That's all.

Oddly, I feel more comfortable being controversial here than I do in person--odd, because really this is a much more public forum than I would ever have in real life.  And since you know how tormented I get about posting anything controversial, that should tell you something about how willing I am to argue in real life. :-)  Maybe it's because nobody really argues with me here-- every time I think I'm stirring up a hornets' nest, it turns into a big nothing.  Y'all either agree or are extremely polite.

So what else is going on.  The revisions to my thesis, believe it or not, are still ongoing-- I was sick, then we were waiting to hear from one of my committee members, and then my advisor was sick, and then things came up around here, etc etc etc.  The absolute drop-dead final date is Friday, so it will be done by then.  I was starting to get discouraged earlier this week, because it seems so never-ending-- surely no one has ever had to do this many rounds of revisions before.  But the last e-mail from my advisor yesterday was actually very complimentary, so maybe this is more typical than I realize.  And also, I think usually revisions are done before the defense, and because of scheduling conflicts, I didn't start mine till after.

Whatever.  It's almost over.  I'm almost to the point where I don't care about it anymore, I just want it to be done.

I finally made it to see Les Mis on Monday afternoon.  Good movie.  Film.  Even though I knew I would like the music, I wasn't sure I wanted to sit through three hours of gripping melodramatic trauma-- too much tension in real life at the moment, I suppose.  But to my surprise, it went by pretty quickly.  I am often antsy during long films, so I was glad about that.  And after reading all the disparaging comments about some of the vocal talent, I was surprised to find that they really weren't that bad.  Maybe not Broadway quality, but not nearly as bad as I was expecting after reading some of the reviews.

BeaN family gossip:  Nell is off to her first interview for medical school admissions today, she's driving today and the interview is tomorrow.  Wish her well and say a prayer!  MadMax is home sick today.  Dean is headed off deep sea fishing with his dad next week.  Sadie had an accident inside for the first time in six weeks last night, dangit.  The chickenz are still laying 4-5 eggs per day, and I kind of wish they'd stop.  I can't keep up!  


  1. Back to yesterday's post - there does need to be a balance between speaking the truth and keeping quiet. I mean there are some truths that don't really need to be said, there are times when speaking your truth means a long and pointless argument, truths that can hurt more than they can help. But, to be honest about your emotions and beliefs can be quite freeing. A long time ago Mom and I discovered how passive-aggressive speech and behavior ran in the female side of our family and how destructive it was. I think we both read the same book, which I wish I could recall. And we had a long and harrowing talk and resolved to not do that to each other. While I can't say that we never do, I can say that we are pretty good about not doing it and it has made our relationship much healthier and happier. The thing is, it has to come from both sides to work for a relationship.

    I'm currently having the problem of being disgruntled and generally not really happy but being unable to really figure out what's bothering me. I haven't blogged about it because I don't really know what to say.

    Wish Nell luck from me! That's very exciting and totally nerve-wracking at the same time. I hope MadMax feels better. I hope you enjoy your week of single-parenthood. I'm about to get a week and a half myself.

    The thesis sounds like one of those things that has been so much work for so long that once it's over it may be hard to realize that it's actually and be happy about it immediately. You have all my admiration for all that work and effort and deep thinking!

    We'll be seeing Les Mis this weekend, I think.

    1. yes, I agree-- balance is key to knowing when to speak up and when to keep silent. I had moved way too far toward the "keeping silent" pole a few years ago, so I'm trying to find a healthier balance.

      I think you should just sit down and start typing (about being disgruntled). You don't have to post it if it doesn't go anywhere, but when I'm out of sorts, it always surprises me how often writing about it will help me figure out what's wrong.

      Sounds like we will be single moms together next week! :-)

  2. I know what you mean by avoiding controversy. I have a blog that is my blog. But I know if I post certain things, there are readers I will lose. So even when I feel strongly, there are certain things I don't talk about.
    And at my job, I don't talk about anything. Really. Nothing.

    1. Yeah, I have that problem, too. I have some posts coming up that are kind of prickly, though. Well, to some people. To others they will probably be boring. But there are many topics that I would never bring up here. And work--yeah, probably best not to make waves at work if you want to keep your job. :-)

  3. I guess there are three categories of things I don't say on my blog: 1. My family and friends sometimes read it, so I don't bitch about them. Not unless it's something I've processed and can talk about in a non-hurtful way. No venting, though. 2. Fernando/my marriage, to respect his privacy. And 3. I try to protect my privacy a little bit, professionally. Though I try to keep my real name and London Mabel separate, you never know.

    But as for my opinions on stuff... those I feel fine talking about. I like hearing other people's take on things, cause you're all intelligent, interesting women, with intelligent and interesting things to say. :-)

    1. that's pretty much exactly my take on both of those (privacy, and opinions). I'm getting much braver about posting my opinions and not worrying TOO much about what others will think. We'll see if I can live up to that, because I have a couple of pretty controversial ones coming up. I'm starting with the easy stuff. :-)