Whinesday

I'm whining today.  If you're not in the mood, you're excused, because Lord knows I don't like to listen to people whine.

My head.  My damn head.  Maybe I should just stop right there and click publish. 

I am so damn tired of the unending headache.  I was doing pretty well last fall-- only two or three headaches a month until mid-December.  But ever since, I've pretty much had a headache.  at first, I was treating them as migraines and taking the migraine meds.  And that works. But when it gets to be three weeks in a row with a daily headache, and then three or four days of feeling good, and then another three weeks.... well, first of all, it sucks.  But secondly, I run out of drugs, and Maxalt is dang expensive.  My insurance will cover 12 a month with a manageable co-pay, but after that, they're about $30 each. 

I only take half of a percocet (2.5 mg) with the maxalt, so my supply of 30 which I got last November is still OK.  but that's another problem.  I do worry, you know.  About taking percocet.  On the positive side, it makes the Maxalt work faster and better, and I've been taking it long enough that there are practically no side effects-- about half an hour after I take it, I start feeling warm and fuzzy inside and think, Oh! the percocet's kicking in.  But it doesn't make me sleepy or affect my judgment or make it so I can't drive.

but you know, it's an addictive drug.  The state where I live is 3rd in the nation for prescription drug abuse, so the pharmacists are suspicious.  and they should be.  It's a huge problem around here.  And the poor physicians who have to deal with it-- as one told me, a big part of the legitimate good they can do in the world is pain relief.  But they can also be sitting ducks for unscrupulous people who put on a good act and then go sell it for $5 or $10 a pill at a bar somewhere. 

When I talk to a doctor and tell them what I take, they practically laugh at me.  2.5 mg per headache (I rarely take more because too much makes me nauseated) is such small change compared to what people with true chronic pain take that it is amusing to them.  but on the other hand, it is an addictive drug.  When I'm feeling good, I have no desire to take it.  It never crosses my mind.  So I think I'm OK.  But when it's been two weeks in a row of daily migraines, it's a little scary.  Do I just want the drugs?  Am I making up the headaches so I can get the warm fuzzy? 

So then I think, maybe I should just tough it out.   Which is where I am right now.  Four days out of the last five, I've had a bad headache.  Migraine? just a headache?  probably just a bad headache, because I haven't thrown up.  One day I took the drugs and they did their usual magic, but the other days, I've just chomped down advil and tylenol and magnesium and lived with it.  Usually by late afternoon it starts backing off. 

(My three guy readers should tune out now).  I'm pretty sure it will get better when I get done with you-know-what.  Last year I had two cycles (Feb and Oct), and so far none this year.  I think I'm getting close.  And when I've gone long enough without a cycle, I start to feel great.  But it sure isn't happening right now.  Right now I just want to slam my head against a brick wall because I think it would feel better than this.  Maybe I should take the drugs.