A little over a year ago, I decided that it was time to delve back into the religion of my youth and think through my experiences-- much of which has shown up in this blog. In April, I reached the crux of it, at least as far as my own experiences are concerned, and nearly sent myself round the bend trying to resolve some intellectual conflicts that are not resolvable. At that point, I resolved to let them be un-resolved. I felt like I had finally come to terms with the opposing forces, if you will, and made a truce. Not a truce between the issues, but a truce between myself and the conflict. Is this making any sense? The conflict is out there, I don't know the answer, and I have to keep living with that.
I've learned a few new things since then that I thought I'd pass on. One occurred to me on a long driving trip. It occurred to me that just because the issues can't be resolved intellectually doesn't mean that they can't be resolved in my life. I can value the meaning behind many of the beliefs of my childhood, feel enormously proud of and loyal to my heritage, and yet still live in a way that honors my own experience. In effect, the way I live my life becomes the resolution.
check back, this is unfinished.
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