Monday, August 04, 2008
I was going to go back and go on and on about "resolutions." But in the meantime, my cynical side has kicked in and I just don't have that much more to say. how can you honor and respect the beliefs of your childhood when technically speaking you don't actually believe them anymore? there are lots of days when that is where I am, and today is one of them. Days when I think, I can't keep going to church, this is ludicrous. But: I would miss it if I didn't go. I love our church. It's complicated. If this were all about logic and figuring things out rationally, it would be so simple. I'd just leave.
But honestly, as I get older, I'm finding that cynicism is less and less helpful to me. And no matter how little it makes sense to my cynical self, the mix of belief and unbelief, of meaning and lack thereof, is actually the way I live. It's what is real for me at the moment. But subject to change at any moment.